so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
