I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
