Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
