I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
