I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
