My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
