if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
