I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
