I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
pray to the hookup gods
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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