I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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