If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
