this boner is exhausting
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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