i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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