the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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