if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
