his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
