There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
