i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
