i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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