I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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