yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
