that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
