I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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