i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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