Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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