I just threw up on my dentist
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
