my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
