There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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