i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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