Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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