I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
