FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
