And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
