Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
