i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize