Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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