What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
