dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
