oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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