Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
