What a fucking waste of an outfit
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
