I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
