Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
That's when you crack a 10am beer
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
