haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
