When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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