I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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