Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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