u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
