Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
