This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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