today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
