you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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