if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
