i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
