i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
