a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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