I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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