We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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