do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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