Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
