if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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