i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize