i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
