There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Randomize
