You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
