she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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