She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
