drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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